I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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