i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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