So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
