This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize