Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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