Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just had sex bonerless
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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