I understand why you refuse to be sober now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
