she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
