wrigley field is MILF paradise
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
