i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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