if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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