so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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