if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
