I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
