they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
