Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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