I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
