he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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