You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
