I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize