I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
