so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
