if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize