It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
