Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
