I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
