omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
