my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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