that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
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