Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
