at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
