he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
