3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
