you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
