butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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