I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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