I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
