The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
