those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
