we have pet lesbian snakes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
