Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
