hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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