I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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