Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
