i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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