Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
