I think i peed on brittanys purse
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
