why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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