It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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