I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
