3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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