What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're like the curious george of whores
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
