I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
