my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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