WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize