im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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