Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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