I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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