fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
