You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
