So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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