but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
