Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
