I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
