And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I party with great urgency now.
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