He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
3 2 1 whiskey
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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