i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
