I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
