i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
