so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
