He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
