do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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