What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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