I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
