You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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