Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
