Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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