I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
