you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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