New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
